transparent

This is an entry that I wrote in January, but I never posted it. I was enjoying my life and adjusting to being a new mother. This is me being transparent. It gives me a little anxiety to be this open with you all. But I love this entry and it is so perfect for mothers day.

As I sit here and look at my newborn son, I think about what motherhood means to me. I think about my mothers. My biological mother, my adopted mother, my "other mother", my mother in law, and my grandmothers. I think about me as a mother, what kind of mother I will be. I think about how each of these mothers has helped shape me into the person that I am and the mother that I will become.

My heart breaks for my biological mother, how hard it must have been to give me up for adoption. Yet, how selfless and how simply loving of her to do so. My heart breaks for the little girl that was under my adopted mothers hold. My heart breaks, just missing my grandmother.

I have always wanted to be a mother, but also always scared of what kind of mother I would be. I have never had, with all the mothers listed above, a real relationship with a mother. However, my entire live I have yearned for one.

I will continue to try my very best to be a wonderful, caring, loving, patient, compassionate and fair mother to my son.... MY SUN.