bad day anyone?

Before I became a mother, I just knew what kind of mother that I would be. First and foremost, I would be a loving and caring mother. I would love my babies like no one has ever loved a baby. I would never really loose my temper with my children. I would keep my cool even when they annoyed me, because they were MY children. I would be a little strict, but not too strict.  I would teach them right from wrong and they would rarely do bad things on purpose because they would know better. I would NOT be the person that you saw in the store with a screaming toddler that was punching her in the face, or with the kid that threw something at a stranger just because. I wouldn't be the mother that was frazzled or "not put together". My house would continue to be extra clean and the clothes put away.  My children would have manners and be compassionate to everyone they met.  People would comment on how well my children behaved and how I must be such a good mom. Other moms would envy me.

 But then, I became a mom.

I DO love my babies like I never imagined loving someone in my life.  But I am not such a good mom. I am like every other mom that has an infant and a toddler. I get frustrated and have been known to yell at my 2 year old. I have come close to loosing my temper when my baby is screaming in my ear so loud and my toddler will not climb out of the fireplace. I have locked Noah in his room until I calmed down. I have let my baby cry it out even when it hurt to hear it. I have failed to put my clean laundry away. I have failed to keep my house as clean as I like. My car looks like I live in it. I HAVE been that mother in the store with a screaming 2 year old beating her up. I AM that mother with the child that hits his friends. My children do not have good manners. I do not usually have the time to do my hair  they way I like, thus being "not put together".  I have dirty dishes in my sink right now.

Noah hit me today. (I honestly don't think that it was on purpose) He hit me in my eye ball. It hurt. It really, really hurt. I have a corneal abrasion. I cried today.

Don't get me wrong. I wanted all of this. I am not complaining. I know many moms can relate to this kind of day.

For the most part, I have not had a bad day since leaving my job 5 months ago. I was naive enough to believe that because I wanted to be home with them so badly, that I wouldn't have bad days. Bad days at DSS were MUCH harder than this bad day. But, none the less, this has been a bad day.

A day when I feel like a failure.

A day that I wish would hurry up because tomorrow is a brand new day.

No matter what though, I really do love these three wonderful people!!!